overcoming obstacles

Sometimes you hear stories about how everything always falls perfectly into place and everything is just peachy.... well that never really seems to happen for me. All of the things that seem will work out wonderfully always have to have some sort of catch. Like I am always fighting for everything I want. I was talking to my mom a little bit about this and she said that things are never easy for our family. That we always experience the trials before the blessings. My only comment was that we should take it as a compliment. I think we only get the trials because God knows that we can handle them. That we will fight for want we want and we will get it (if it's a righteous cause) and that we will learn from it and gain more than we could have imagined. It's just hard to remember that when the trials are staring you in the face. 
I always love writing my thoughts out... it always helps me to see what I need to do and gives me the extra push to keep going. I see what I need to do and then I can do it. I just have to try not to do it grudgingly. 
But God really is in control and I do need to realize the blessings that I have right now. The trials can and will be overcome, I just have to stay on God's side.

A new meaning

Wow, life just got really busy. I got a job and I moved,well my sister did all of the packing while I was at work, but now I have to unpack and get everything set up nicely in the new place. I am very excited for this though. Its like I am actually living now. Before I felt like I was just passing through my days but now I have a purpose, I have something to do. It's wonderful. I feel like I will be able to get myself out there now and actually do and accomplish things. I have a new meaning in life. I am loving it.  I'll have to put up some new pictures of my place once everything is set up and cute. Right now it is just a bunch of boxes. I have the day of though tomorrow for Canada Day and so I'll have some time to put everything in is place. I can't wait!!

happily ever after?

I love fairy tales. Happily ever afters. Romance. Like most girls. Today I have just been thinking a lot and does it really all exist? I think it does. I have recently started watching the tv series 'Once Upon a Time' (which is probably what has started all the thinking) and my brother thinks it is really corny. But I would like to believe that "true love" does exist... just not necessarily like it does in Hollywood. Love is something that you have to work on. I'm not a personal expert, I've never been in love, but I am surrounded by relationships. I've seen what works and what doesn't work.  I think in our society everyone is looking for a perfect relationship, the whole true love and marriage  and 'they all lived happily ever after' endings, and they get disappointed when it all comes crashing down. Divorce rates are so high and this world is getting so messed up because real love is being taken out of society.  Being replaced with a fanciful, puffed up version. Most of the time the only things that people really love is themselves. I'm not trying to be all negative, there is still some very amazing love out there, but it's getting harder and harder to hold on to and to find. Even in the storybooks, true love is when they love each other more than they love themselves. They always say "I will do anything for you" not " I will do anything for you that is convenient for me". The hero always has to battle for love. There are always obstacles and challenges and its only after they overcome all of it that they can live happily ever after. The struggles are what make the love so strong because they are fighting together for it. They aren't fighting each other or looking for what will make themselves most happy.  They are fighting for each other and looking for what will make each other most happy.  Love isn't just a feeling that once you have it it will last forever. It is a power that you have to continually fight for.
I will admit to wanting to find true love and a happily ever after for myself. Everyone does. But I want the real kind.  Sometimes, though, I do wonder if I will find it or if I too am caught up in the fairy tale of it all and somehow I will miss what's right in front of me for the want of something that doesn't exist.

God's Love

I have been thinking a lot about where I want my life to go and what I want and should be doing. It has been very difficult for me to figure anything out. I have all these ideas and none of them feel right. I believe that I have a Father in Heaven and that he will help me to know what I need to do.  So I trust those feelings. I do know that whatever is going to happen is what is suppose to happen. I was at church today and we were having the discussion about living up to our full potential and becoming the people that Heavenly Father knows we can. Sometimes He has to cut us down so that we can grow better into what we need to be.
This is a video that I really like that talks about God helping us reach our potential.

 The Will of God

I can't wait to see what I become!

A best friend

So I will admit that even though I have had my fair share of friends there are only a couple that I would consider a best friend (excluding family members) To me a best friend is someone that you can tell absolutely everything to and they will listen. They try to help you and always want you to be happy. I had the privilege of staying with one of my very best friends for the past week. I don't know that she will ever know how grateful I am for her.

This is my moch

I think that she knows absolutely everything about me and is always prying for more. And there are very few people that I would let pry.

Her house was the destination of my road trip and I had one of the best weeks ever.  

Fun in the Sun

So my road trip is pretty awesome. I am loving my time away. Yesterday though, my friend and I made a very bad decision... We went to a outdoor wave pool. We were only in the water for about 30min and then we laid in the sun for about 2 hours... ya not the brightest idea. We are two very very pink people. But I am having a blast.

Road Trip!

I love the excitement of an approaching road trip. I leave tomorrow for a week and I am soo excited. There is nothing like 20 hours in a vehicle, singing along to the songs on the radio and sleeping in awkward positions. CAN'T WAIT! :) 
I am going to visit some of my best friends that I haven't seen in almost a year. The excitement is definitely building!! I will write all about it when I get home.

Long Weekend

I really enjoyed this May long weekend. I was in Edmonton Friday night and Saturday. I had the opportunity to go to the temple and do some work there. I love going to the temple. It is such a boost, spiritually and mentally. LOVE IT! 

Saturday night I got together with a very good friend of mine and we went shopping. We were on the look out for a dress for her.... no luck on that but we did find some really good sales.

Sunday went out to Hinton. Since I have been home from my mission I have been asked a couple times to go out and speak in different congregations. I actually really enjoy this. I get the chance to meet a lot of new people. I think I have finally overcome my fear of public speaking. It was so beautiful in Hinton. That was first time I have seen the mountains since I've been back. On the back of the church property there was a hill over looking a lake and with the trees all green, it took my breath away. Nature really is beautiful.

Yesterday, we had to do some farm work but in the afternoon we pulled out the home made slip and slide. Even though I got eaten alive by mosquitoes and I am cut and bruised, it was a blast. 

Yes, it was a very good weekend.

tears

Have you ever had one of those days when you just want to sit down and cry? Ya well that's pretty much how my last week has been. I have almost burst into tears so many times. Which for me is really weird, I am usually pretty good at keeping my emotions in check, but especially today , I have been wanting to cry at just about everything.... and no I am not pregnant. I just feel so drained and overwhelmed ans it is taking over my entire being. I am trying to keep a smile and not let anyone see, but I am afraid that I am not doing a very good job.... oh well. My brother says that every girl needs a good cry every now and then. I don't because when I do cry, I can't be seen in public for like 3 hours, my eyes go bloodshot and my face goes splotchy and then I have a headache for days afterwards. NOT GOOD.  So thankfully I have been able to keep the tears at bay.... for now.

joys

So I don't really know where I am going with this today. I just need to write and let it out. This past little while has been interesting. Some challenges have surfaced in our family and we're working them out. I really love how I know that I can always turn to my Heavenly Father whenever I feel unsure or scared of something. I know that He listens and answers my prayers. It is rarely ever in the way that I think or want but I am so grateful for my life.
I have been having some fun lately, because when you are stressed the best thing you can do is laugh. Me and a couple others filmed a zombie fashion show the other night. It was a lot of fun and it was exactly what I needed. Life doesn't always have to be serious.
I am excited for some things coming up in my life. I think some great things are about to happen.

Tests

So I have come to realize that life is all about learning and growing. We are supposed to go through hard trials and life suckiness. That is how we learn and how we become better. I feel like I am going through one of those times right now. Honestly though I feel like I am kind of failing this one. These past couple of days it has been really hard to keep my patience and be happy. So I woke up on Friday and decided to have a good attitude and my day was a lot better. I decided to just have fun and stop worrying about myself.  Life is always better when we look outward to others, and less inwards on ourself. There was still crappy moments when I wanted to pull my hair out but by wanting to be better and choosing to be better, I was. Yes you can change your attitude. That is what I am learning right now.

So back to the topic of dating...

Okay so this part of life is foremost in my head these days, so I need to get it off my chest. 

When I was a teenager I had a lot of people tell me that when I was older, I would have guys breaking down my door, lining up for blocks just to go on a date with me. And honestly I got kind of bitter when it didn't happen. I thought "so much for what they know" and because of the lack of attention I felt like something was wrong with me.  It tool me a while to figure out that it wasn't because I wasn't pretty, or that I didn't have a 'rockin' body or that something was completely screwed up with my personality. It was because I have a loving Heavenly Father, who knows exactly what I need and how I need to learn it. I have grown up so much in these past coupld of years. I feel like a completely different person. I am confident and I love who I am. And I wouldn't have any of that if I gotten what I wanted when I wanted it.

This past little while I have been getting a lot more attention from guys. In some ways I like it, but for the most part I really don't. I just want to find one. I don't want a lot of guys after me. It just makes things confusing.

just a little change

My life is going to be different for a little while now. My sister has been admitted to the hospital. She is expecting twins - a boy and a girl - and her doctor wants her in now. They want to keep the babies inside mama for at least another week and they are worried that if she wasn't in the hospital that wouldn't happen. So she is going to be in there for a while.... and why does this change my life? I'm watching her other four kids. I am fine with child care, not a problem, just a change in schedule. The biggest challenge for me will be cooking gluten free... I love my carbs... These kids are cute though and very smart, I think we will have a good time together. I am everybody's favourite aunt after all ;)

one of those moments...

I am a major klutz and there is a joke in my family.... well basically I am the joke. I am always doing something to hurt myself or saying something ridiculously stupid. Yesterday I was outside helping my Dad with some chores and was standing on an old wheel well... well i stepped too close to the side and it came up and smacked me really hard in the shin. I knew what was going to come... and its a beauty... i have a huge bruise... oh goodness me.

Dating...

One of the hardest things so far, is getting back into the dating scene. I am SO awkward. I have been on two dates since I have been home and I feel so sorry for the guy. It is really hard to be normal. A lot of people don't really understand but when you are taken from life and put into a situation where you have to keep yourself so focused on one thing and only that thing day after day it is so hard to come back. There is not a lot of conversation that you can keep up with... most of the time it is just the smile and wave technique. I think that this guy likes me, but I don't know how to open myself up again to those feelings. I am pretty sure that with time things will get better. I don't know if it's possible for me to be less awkward though. I think that's just me not the circumstance. :)

Starting Point

SO, I decided that a blog might be easier kept than a journal. I just got back from serving my mission in Albania. I have been home for about a month and it has been a very interesting month for me. Nothing super big or spectacular has happened but settling back into life is what has made it interesting. I never really believed that I would have a hard time readjusting to a 'normal' life but it really is. I was gone for 18 months and during that time everything here has changed. People have changed, situations have changed and mostly, I have changed. My life here and me have seemed to have gone in separate ways. Now I have to find my way back to it and still be the person that I have become. That is not an easy task. So everything has to start somewhere so, I am starting from here and it can only get better.